5 Reasons MISTER ROGERS Stressed Me Out

Before you start reading, let me make it clear that I respect Mr. Roger's very much.  (Some people get all bent out of shape when you start talking about Mr. Rogers). I think he had a great show.  I loved watching him feeding the fish and coveted that playset he got out in his kitchen each and every time. I WANTED IT TO BE MINE.  I also was very jealous of his kitchen traffic light.  However, every time I watched Mister Roger's Neighborhood as a child, the same things always stressed me out.

Things like...

#5 Mr. McFeely always being in a rush.  I was always wishing he would just slow it down a dadgum bit.  If there was ever a show where Mr. McFeely delivered something to Mr. Furley, I'd need a tranquilizer.  It would take me a long time to calm down after watching that McFeely-Furley episode. I get heart palpitations just thinking about it.

She's saying, "Heeeeeey!" in this picture. Source
#4 Looking at this lady.  A better name for Lady Elaine is Lady Huh?-Laine, youknowwhati'msayin? I was always perplexed over Lady Elaine's skin condition.  Did she fall into a fire? Was someone making s'mores out of her nose and some graham crackers? Did she just try to pet a dragon?  Did she trip and fall in dog poo? She needed some serious medical help and got placed into a spinning museum instead.  The other stressor: THE SPINNING MUSEUM!

#3 Not being able to figure out if "Trolley" was truly magical or not.  It wasn't until later in life (this morning) that I was able to catch on to Mr. Roger's slick method of flipping the trolley switch.  Well, you little fartknocker...


#2 Figuring out the voices behind the puppets.  I could never concentrate on the storylines in The Land of Make Believe because I was always trying to figure out which puppet Mr. Rogers was operating.  It turns out he was just about everyone on that whole strange make-believe set, even Queen Sarah Saturday, Henrietta Pussycat and Lady Huh?-laine.  Okay, I'm stressed out all over again.

#1 Always worrying that FredRo wouldn't be able to finish getting dressed before the music stopped.  In my head I was thinking,  "DAGNABBIT IT, FRED!  Stop tossing your shoe about like a nincompoop and GET DRESSED!  YOU DON'T HAVE MUCH MORE TIME! AREN'T YOU LISTENING TO THE MUSIC? Don't you know the song's about to end?!?  You're the one singing it, too!  How could you be so careless with the zippers?  COME ON, FRED! Whew."


Have I seen your face over on Facebook or Twitter yet? No? What's the deal with that? Remember, all new likers get a free Coke from my vending machine up in the top right corner. Sit in that orange chair, too, if you need to take a break. The only thing I ask? NO HEATING OF BEAN BURRITOS IN THE BREAK ROOM'S MICROWAVE. We've had a lot of trouble with those.