How NOT to order at a fast food restaurant

Well, according to my husband, anyway.

I don't care how you order at a fast food restaurant, just as long as it is relatively fast. I don't like much hem hawing around up there at the menu or at the drive through window, either. Actually, I don't like when other people hem haw. I need plenty of time for hem hawing, so I need you not to hem haw so that I can hem haw. There is not enough room in the world for all of us to hem haw.

My husband, however, cares very much about people not hem hawing and mostly he cares that I don't do it. Now, he doesn't get angry if you don't order the way he wants you to order. You will just get the look. Really, I will just get the look. He won't give you the look if you are ordering wrong. He'll just give me the look that he means for you, but he will only give to me. This is how it works around here.

Basically, this is how NOT to order at a fast food restaurant, according to him:

Straying from the menu.

That is pretty much it. He wants no straying. He feels that all straying belongs elsewhere and not at McDonald's, Chick-Fil-A, Wendy's- wherever. You are able to stray left and right at Subway, because Subway is all about the straying, but not the other places. So, Subway is the exception. Stray away at Subway. (Bill me for the new logo, Subway.)

So, this is what you might see on a road trip with us, say, at Sonic.

*pushes red button*

"What can I get for you?"

"I want your #1 [the cheeseburger] but I don't want it with mayonnaise or mustard. I only want it with ketchup."

"So, no lettuce, tomato, pickles or onions?"

"Actually, I do want all of that. I just don't want it with mayonnaise or mustard. I want it with ketchup and all of those other things."

"Okay, so you want---"

"I'm sorry. I actually don't want it with onions."

"Do you want it still want it with cheese?"

"Yes, I do want it with cheese."

"Okay, that will be---"

"I'm sorry. I also don't want it with tater tots. Could I get onion rings instead?"


"And I also need a drink."

"What would you like?"

"I want a large unsweet mint iced tea with two extra Splenda packets."


"Also, I want a kids meal with chicken tenders, but I want a medium drink with that, not just the kid size drink because that thing is TINY, youknowwhati'msayin? Hahaha!!"

In my defense, that cheeseburger is for my son. That is how he likes it. That tea is for me. The chicken tenders are for my other son. This is also just the beginning of my order. I would continue on but you have somewhere to be. Anyway, I have to pause to let you know that I would seriously be getting the look right about this time from my husband.


That is his way of asking if I'm truly serious about all of my requests at a fast food restaurant. This is usually followed by a "You know this isn't a sit down restaurant, right? We're not at Houston's. You aren't supposed to make a hundred changes to the menu. You just eat it like they serve it. This is SONIC."

Hey, I can't help it. We like it how we like it and if we are going to pay money, any amount of money, we want it how we want it.

Are you a high maintenance fast food orderer or do you just eat fresh fruits and vegetables all the livelong day? Fine. You win.

Let's discuss this very pressing topic over on my Facebook page. I would have stayed here to chat it up, but the spammers are all in my business and spammers stink.