20 Really Bad First Date Stories

Yesterday on Facebook in honor of "Valemtime's Day" (people still say it like that, y'all!), I asked people on the Kelley's Break Room Facebook page about their worst/funniest date. I shared that one of mine was when I called the guy the wrong name the entire time without knowing. He finally pointed it out to me. I could come up with more, BELIEVE ME, but I don't want to take anymore time away from these funny stories below...

#1 Nicole from Moms Who Drink and Swear:  Went to a B-52's concert on a blind date with a guy who "just got sober." He cried. Dear GOD it was bad.

 

#2 Mel from According to Mags: Worst date ever: BLIND DATE where the guy talked about ways he could get his ex-girlfriend back and wanted me to help him come up with ideas.

#3 Comfytown Chronicles: Oh how to pick just one....probably the worst was a friend of my BIL, and totally true, his dog BIT ME on our first date. He just said "I told you he's crazy." Yeah, there was no second date.

#4 Sarah: Worst date ever...met a Jewish guy who was taking pictures for porn magazines, told me but not his mother or his ex-girlfriend, who was also Jewish. Yeah, needless to say that didn't work out but he did marry the ex! Bwahahaha!

 

#5 Paige of There's More Where That Came From: My best friend and I went on a double date with our boyfriends. They took us skiing and abandoned us on the bunny slope all night because neither her or I could ski.

 

#6 Nicole of Ninja Mom: Dated a guy (just one date) who kept one fingernail long for picking his guitar. Just. The one. Nail.

 

#7 Kristen of Life on Peanut Layne: Hmmm, it would have to be the blind date with a guy who's fake eye didn't fit in the socket because he was broke from his ex wife taking all of his money (his words) so he had to put in his own "fake eye". Try eating pizza while staring directly into someone's empty eye socket.

#8 Ruby: I went on a date with a guy I found on yahoo personals. When I met him in person, I had to really squint to see how he was the "hot guy" I saw in the pictures online. I didn't judge. Then we went to his house and he pulled out a sack of weed and said it was prescription for his anxiety. About 30 minutes in, I got up and said I wasn't feeling so good and I left. Horrible.

 

#9 Estelle of Musings on Motherhood and Midlife: I went on a date with a guy, drank some wine and decided to trim my bangs.. In the bathroom. When I returned to the table, he kept giving me funny looks, and cut the date short kind of abruptly. I was surprised because I thought it had been going so well. When I got home I saw all the little bang hairs on my nose and all over my face!

#10 Travel Lady with Baby: I went on a date with a man who thought it appropriate to consume 2 bottles of wine and start talking dirty at the table. His talking was so appalling that everyone wanted to throw up, including the waiter, who felt badly that I was stuck on the inside seat and couldn't get out easily. Did I mention this was a first and last date? The nice gay couple next to me helped me escape by calling me a cab and keeping the ass occupied while I made my exit. The couple became my friends!

#11 Ado of The Momalog:  I ate a whole bag of sugar-free hard candies before a first date and hadn't understood that they had a "laxative effect" so right when he arrived, oh my. I had to cancel the date, it was that bad.

 

#12 Ado of The Momalog had another one: Oh wait, there's more - that same year I went on another 1st date on a hike up a mountain. The date had taken magic mushrooms before we met (I had no idea) so by the time we got to the top he was prancing & leaping thru the tall grasses like a flipping gazelle. I had an extreme allergic reaction to the tall grasses and I began sneezing uncontrollably and my eyes swelled shut - not kidding - and so he had to lead me, blind, back down the mountain, periodically pausing to leap like a gazelle. It was our last date. Pretty dern bad.

 

#13 Shelley: I was on a blind date. He brought along his girlfriend. We went to the local broom corn festival. Bet you didn't even know there was such a thing as broom corn. We stopped at a drive thru liquor store so I could serve them beer from the back seat as we drove an hour to the festival. After two hours at the festival, I saw a friend and knew that it wasn't going well when I started trying to find a way in my head to ride home with her. When we finally headed home I was invited to go bar hopping with the guy and his "friend" and they were surprised I didn't want to. Oh, and this blind date guy has a disfiguring scar down one whole side of his face. And at the end the least awful part is that I would have appreciated a heads up on the scar.

 

#14 Kelly: I went on a date with a guy once - he said we were going out for dinner. He took me to Perkins, which is the northern equivalent to IHOP, ordered a bunch of food and then proceeded to tell me that he forgot his wallet. If that wasn't bad enough, he picked a fight with a couple of other guys in the restaurant and ended up outside in the street, his shirt over his head and his arms pinned up in the air. It was a lovely evening all around, even if I did have to pay! Ugh, boys!!

#15 Leighann of Multitasking Mumma: Went on a blind date with a guy who was supposed to be perfect for me. He was not attractive to me and had horrible breath. He took me for lobster, wine and then coffee. Dropped me off, walked me to my door and leaned in only to meet my hand in his face. No thanks. Sigh. Sorry lobster date, you weren't the one.

 

#16 Leighann of Multitasking Mumma added one more: After talking to my husband I needed to add this one:
Years ago I went on a date and while we were driving to the restaurant a horrible boom and crash came from under the car. My date got out, banged around at the back, threw something in the trunk and got back in. I inquired and he told me through sweat and lost breath that the muffler had fallen off, no biggy. We continued, had a nice meal, and then took a drive after. On our drive my date had to pee, so naturally, he pulled over and flogged a log on the side of the road. While I sat shocked in the passenger seat. And then I married that romantic slice of heaven.

 

#17 Tonya of You Asked For It:  One time in HS this guy took me to a Chinese restaurant - being too chicken to try out chopsticks on a date I opted for the fork... Two things led to my demise: 1 - I tend to talk with my hands, 2 - our table was right next to a half wall with a slight ledge... at some point the end of the fork caught the ledge, flew out of my hand and went end over end through the air (in my memory this part is in slow motion) to land right in front of another couple being led to their table... WAY too embarrassed to ask for a new fork we just had them box up the rest of our meals...

 

 #18 Karyn: A blind date who repeatedly asked my throughout the night, "Do you think i'm attractive?"  He was like an insecure 12-year-old girl. and he was NOT attractive. The lying got harder to do as the night went on. (From reading the other ones, I think we should all stop going on blind dates!)

 

#19 Hot Mess Mom: Once  I tried to get adventurous with whipped cream. Who knew I'd have an allergic reaction? A gross one.

#20 Toulouse and Tonic: I was invited to a music festival by a guy but I ended up driving, paying and rolling my eyes a LOT. I came thisclose to ditching his ass in New Orleans and just driving my happy ass back home.

 

BONUS: The Laughing Mom: A guy once called me to tell me that he was not going to call me any more. The logic on that one? (This one wasn't a date, but I had to include it!)

 

 

 

Do you have any stories to add to this list?

 

 

 

 

 

 

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BEFORE YOU GO!

 

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I think the winner of the FINAL "Last Chance Kitchen" is...

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