The Female Arrogance Meter: How To Become Ultra-Confident In Less Than 30 Minutes, Give or Take, Depending On If You Take Absolutely Forever To Get Ready

People sometimes change when they talk to different people.  Maybe they have one way of talking when speaking to their close friends, another way for when they are at work and another way when they're ordering a Big Mac.  Women change when they wear or carry certain things, me included. To better illustrate what I mean, I have created the Female Arrogance Meter:

Female Arrogance Meter
I obviously forgot the oversized purse.

With each additional square, that woman is becoming more and more cocky.  You are probably not going to want to get into any kind of disagreement with a woman who has climbed all of the levels and is now carrying a small dog.  They both will probably yap, yap, yap, yap, yap, yap, yap, yap right in your face, or not talk to you at all.

When I was in college, I had a temporary job downtown.  The job was at a nice office, so I liked wearing a skirt and heels.  One day as I strutted my stuff with quick glances in mirrored office buildings to make sure my skirt hadn't twisted sideways and didn't have any "runners" in my hose (remember those?), my heel got caught in the crack of the sidewalk while I kept walking.  I had to run back, force my way through the crowd and put my shoe back on like a freakshow.  My bar graph pretty much folded up like a collapsible cup then. 

If you don't believe what I am telling you about this Female Arrogance Meter, let me show you Victoria Beckham before and after the transformation.


In this picture, Vicki B. has just awakened.  She has no idea
where her sunglasses are located and the small dog is still asleep.  She is
taking the morning slowly while enjoying her coffee and cigarette.  She has
also yet to shave and is waiting for her smart phone to charge up.


Here she is again after getting ready for the day.  Isn't it amazing how
she even LOOKS really different now all because she has on heels, a skirt,
big sunglasses and is carrying that big purse??  If she had a small dog with her, were
on her smart phone and chewing gum, the Female Arrogance Meter would
be going absolutely crazy!  (Homegirl on VB's left is wishing she had worn black shoes.)

Obviously, you don't have to be arrogant to be confident.  In less than 30 minutes, get all of that stuff listed on the bar graph, and BAM!, you will feel ready to take on the entire world.  (If you have only time for two, for goodness sakes, chew gum and put on some sunglasses.)

If you have anything to add to the Female Arrogance Meter, please let me know as I am constantly making adjustments to my scientific inventions.