5 Things Waterpark Commercials Leave Out

Honesty must be my new theme or something.  A couple of weeks ago, I snuck around apartment buildings taking pictures of the fancy signs that in no way matched the actual complex and wrote about it all in my post "If Neighborhoods Were Named More Honestly".  Now I'm calling waterparks out.  I need to get a grip. 

The thing is, I have been to lots of waterparks.  I am sure you can probably say the same.  The commercials show lots of footage of really happy people crashing into waves and going down fun slides with their friends in huge inner tubes.  Those exciting moments do eventually arrive, but many time there is a price to pay, my friends.  A hot, sweaty price.

This is more than I can take, sister. Most of these people are paying a really, really hot, sweaty price.  I can't even breathe right now.  Excuse me, folks.
If waterparks were honest, here are at least 5 images you would see:

#1: Children peeing in the pool. If there has ever been a study comparing the number of people in a waterpark to the amount of times the public restroom has been used that day, I don't want to read it.  Ever.

#2: Fully clothed ladies.  The waterpark near my house has a rule that no cut-offs are allowed in the pool, but apparently a long-sleeve dress shirt with black slacks is acceptable swim attire.  Maybe I should have told Fully Clothed Lady about http://www.modestsea.com/ that makes bathing suits, like this Rainbow Brite one on the right, for ultra-modest women so she doesn't look like she came straight up from work and into that pool, for goodness sakes.

#3: Wedgies.  Lots and lots of wedgies.

#4: A mass exodus of people exiting the wave pool when the waves stop.  "I'LL CATCH YOU GENIUSES LATER!  WHEN THE WAVES LEAVE, THIS LADY LEAVES!"  These same people may hit a light jog when they hear the alarm bell ring letting them know the wave party has started back up again.

#5:  People waiting in line FOREHHHHHVER with gargantuan inner tubes situated under their left armpits...and then their right...and then back to the left...

What would you add??

If you are coming over from The LG Report, then...I must tell you...IT WAS ME!  I wrote that crazy story!  If you have not met LG from The LG Report, you are missing out!  He is truly hilarious and always makes me laugh out loud.  He gave me THREE sentences that were to begin three separate paragraphs.  He asked me to weave those sentences into a story, but the thing is...THEY WERE THE CRAZIEST SENTENCES!  He is asking his readers to read the story and guess who the author is out of 5 choices.  If you'd like to read the nutty short story I wrote, please click HERE.  Thanks for the fun writing assignment, LG!
For the Houston area

If you are interested in an alternative way for your kids to spend the hot summer days that doesn't involve scorching your barefeet on hot pavement in a nearby waterpark and live near Missouri City in the Houston area, consider enrolling them in TWO DAYS of summer camp at Sea Star Swim School & Gymnastics Center for only $37.  Go HERE to get your deal!