My Take On Top Chef Seattle (Episode 9: Past Suppers)

Here's the deal: I can't recap each show.

Holy moly.


(But, here's a clip if you want to watch some for yourself.)

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When I do, I feel like I am in a college class. I am taking notes like a madman, pausing the DVR every 2 minutes, shushing my kids every 5 minutes, staying up late, late, late to put it together and stressing that I didn't get everybody's dish quoted exactly right.

So, instead of a recap, I'm hitting the highlights. My highlights. The parts that made me laugh or stood out to me. I'm thinking if you like Top Chef Seattle, you watched the show anyway. If you didn't, finding a recap is not hard to do. I would LOVE to find the Top Chef Seattle lovers out there so we can talk amongst ourselves. I hit my highlights and you hit yours in the comments. We'll discuss Linda Richman-style.

• This episode opened up with Stefan trying to take care of his wrinkles in the mirror. I am pretty sure he had Biore strips all over his face. Biore strips can be pretty addicting. I wish that one person out there would list "Biore strips" as a hobby on their dating site or Facebook profile. If that person is you, let me know?  

• The QuickFire Challenge was hosted by a guy who makes $4,000 knives. FOUR THOUSAND DOLLARS. FOR A KNIFE. His name is Bob Kramer. The groups were divided into three teams of three: Micah/Sheldon/Josh (blue), John/Kristin/Josie (red) and Stefan/Brooke/Lizzie (green). The challenges were to slice paper with a knife they had just sharpened, "tourne" potatoes (cut potatoes into little football shapes, but with seven distinct sides) and "French" a rabbit (to "french" a bone means to cut the meat away from the end of a rib or chop, so that part of the bone is exposed). The green team was too slow, the red team lost Josie because of a nick and the blue team won. Micah ultimately won the challenge. Fast little fart.

• The Elimination Challenge involved all of the chefs making healthier versions of dishes from memorable moments during the last 10 seasons of the show and serving them to mega-Top Chef fans. The winner got $15,000 and a Healthy Choice dinner to be made in honor of the dish they created. One of the memorable moments involved Jamie in Season 5 who always made scallops, apparently. One of the chefs was filmed saying, "It's Top Chef, not Top Scallops!", which made me laugh out loud. (I never write LOL. Well, except for just then.)

• Kristin won with a healthy version of chicken pot pie. When I saw the chicken pot pie, I actually laughed out loud because it didn't resemble chicken pot pie at all. There was no crust. Everything was spread out on the plate, but everyone LOVED. IT. (They also loved Brooke's pea puree. Pea puree!)

•  Kristin is kicking major Top Chef Seattle bootie. I feel like she or Brooke will win the whole deal. Kristin, Brooke & Josh had the three favorite dishes. Josh was hoping to win the money, though, as he needs to buy more product to curl his moustache with probably. I'm just glad he finally made a pork dish right. Goodness gracious.

• John & Lizzie made the worst dishes. He made a badly cooked risotto (he blamed it on not having a flat-enough pan in the kitchen, which cocky Joshn challenged) and she made gray, lifeless scallops. (She admitted they weren't fresh as soon as she opened the package in the Palace Ballroom kitchen.)

• John pronounces risotto "ree-soh-toe" in three distinct syllables, whereas all the others say it "reesodoh". I guess it's the speech pathologist in me that notices these things. I found it distracting. It's much like nails on a chalkboard. Even if he pronounced it perfectly, he still can't cook it perfectly. Apparently, risotto is the kiss of death on Top Chef and John was hit the curse.

Original picture from The Realistic Nutritionist

• John and Lizzie went to a head-to-head challenge recreating CJ's burger with a pickle. They were to make a healthier version of it. John made his with lamb and a fried egg on top and Lizzie made hers with chicken. Hers won. John got the boot. (Two of the judges clearly preferred Lizzie's whereas Tom Colicchio felt they were both good. He ended up siding with Lizzie's.)

• And, lastly, do we think Tom Colicchio is cute? I hear talk about him being so handsome. I'm not sure I'm seeing it. What I do see? Telly Savalas.

 

(If you would like to Save-A-Chef, go here and either vote to #savechefkuniko or #savechefjohn. Personally, I'm voting for Kuniko! Jon took all of the dill!!! How about you? Who do you think should stay around?)