The Ugly Truth About Mascara Wands

What's the common theme here, class?

Anyone want to volunteer an answer?

Yes!  You sitting in front of the screen with the Internet on it!

Exactly!! All of the eyes look EXACTLY the same no matter which stinkin' mascara wand you use. (That's the ugly truth.)

Yet, we fall for it, don't we class?

Lash Blast

Lash Fanatic

Volume Blasting

LashExact

VolumeExact

SuperThick Lash

FabuLash

Photoread 3D Volume

Luscious Plumpin

Grow Luscious Plumping

Customeyes

Doubletwist

Lash Fantasy Total Definition

Define-A-Lash

Full 'n soft

Great Lash

Lash Discovery

Lash Stiletto

Volume Express

XXL

Falsies

And this is just at Walgreens, people! 

The mascara wands are out of control! What in the heck is this?

It looks Gulliver stole a weapon from Lilliput, brought it back to the United States and sold it to Maybelline, Revlon, Covergirl, Neutrogena, MaxFactor, Estee Lauder, etc. Gulliver is RICH! First the book, then the movies and now the mascara. (Is Gulliver single?)  I have never used this mini-weapon on my eyelashes, but, I bet if I did, I'd feel really sophisticated. I'd probably feel like a make-up artist in New York. I'd probably hold my right pinky out as a did it and then plump my lips in the mirror afterwards as I surveyed my work. Then I'd say, "Huh. I look just like I did yesterday."

Seriously, though, there are alllllll of those descriptive words and alllllll of those weird looking brushes for lashes that just end up looking like this, no matter which one you use:

Don't think that my discovery stops me from buying tons of different kinds.

I'm always on the hunt for the "perfect" masara, even though my eyes will look the same at the end.

It's kind of like shopping for the perfect shower cleaner. I'm always on the hunt for that, too. All of these different brands and I'm still on my knees scrubbing like Cinderella.

You disagree with me about the mascara, don't you?

(How about the shower cleaner?)