Why My Husband Doesn't Like To Take Me Out In Public... (And, it's not because I have a goatee)

Short answer: I talk to too many people.

He could come up with other reasons, too. Yesterday while we were eating at a Mexican restaurant, I made up a song on the spot and sang it in my Edith Ann voice. Edith Ann. You know her, right? Lily Tomlin's little girl character that sat in a really large rocking chair on Laugh In? Well, anyway, my boys LOVE when I use that voice and make up songs singing with it. My husband doesn't it. (Oh, really, I think he does. He just likes to play hard to get.)

But, yeah, the main reason is because I talk to too many people.

I'm not exactly like my mom on this one. She talks to a bunch of people she doesn't even know at all AND to people she knows.

"Oh, isn't she cute? I love her little dress!" she'll coo to the baby walking past her as she stands in line at Macy's.

"Mom, you don't have to say something to every baby that passes."

"Hush, Kelley. That baby was cute! Maybe you should try to be friendlier."

If that baby was standing right behind me and the line was extra long and I knew we'd have more than 3 minutes in it, I might start up a conversation about the cuteness of the baby and her little dress.


I mean, I probably would.


(Especially if that little baby let out a fart like my baby did when he was being dedicated at church. All was quiet and then riiiiiiiiiiiiiiip. Yeah, I'd talk to that baby if she did that.)

My deal is that I see people I know everywhere I go, it seems, and I can't just let them be in the same vicinity as me without saying something. If I knew that they knew that I knew they were right there and I didn't say anything, it would kill me. It doesn't even matter who that person is, in most cases. I'm sure I have let some people pass under my Gottatalk Radar, but it's not often.

This past Sunday was a perfect example. We went to a restaurant, compliments of Groupon (my husband has an addiction that I talked about here this week and I'm not even exaggerating- not even one little bit- not even a small, small fraction of a bit), and we saw a family that I have known since I was in elementary school. I was so excited! So many new babies in the mix. I was holding and squeezing and laughing and talking and...forgetting to put my order in at our table. I got that all situated so my family wouldn't try to eat the Splenda packets and went back to talking across our tables. Eventually, that family left. (My husband was happy to see them, too, so this one doesn't really count.)

"Do you ever go somewhere and see someone you don't know?"

"Of course. I didn't know anyone at that car wash the other day. Didn't know anyone at the gas station earlier today, either. We went to Cracker Barrel once and I didn't recognize a soul. Remember when we were at Disney World? I didn't know anyone there! Well, wait..."

A little later, my husband and sons were waiting in the car while I went into the restroom at that restaurant. On my way out, I saw out of the corner of my eye a mom from our neighborhood. We have only lived here for a couple of months. I met her one day as we were riding our bikes back home from my son's school. She was really nice, y'all! I couldn't see her in the corner of my eye and not go and say something!

Then the next day came.

Compliments of Groupon AGAIN, my husband and I went to Alamo Drafthouse. It's like a Movie Tavern, only much nicer. (Do they have Movie Taverns where you live?) There were only so many movies to choose from, so we went to see Oz, The Great and Powerful, which I loved. (My husband thought it was really cheesy and thought the acting was bad, but what does he know?) As I waited for my husband to come out of the restroom, I saw my son's music teacher from his former school out of the corner of my eye. It would have been easy to act like I didn't see him, but I can't do that!

I did see him.

And, he may have known that I saw him.

"Hi, Mr. C!", I said. "You were my son's music teacher! We have changed schools now, but he really did enjoy your class."

"Oh, well, thank you," he sort of said nervously. (He doesn't have the best social skills, that one.)

"Did you go see Oz, The Great and Powerful?"

"Yes, yes, we did."

"It was great! I loved it! How about you?"

"Oh, I liked it. I thought it was, uh, good."

"Well, anyway, thanks again for teaching our son. He would tell me about your class a lot. Oh, hey, Chris!" I said to my husband as he came out of the restroom. "This is Mr. C. He was the music teacher at the other school."

Chris gives me a very quick "look" and offered a nice greeting to the guy.

"Well, it was great to see you!" I exclaim as I see his partner approached his left side. (He has a partner? I KNEW he had a partner!) I skirted off pretty quick. I knew I didn't want to be locked in to an awkward conversation with all four of us standing there. We had already talked about the movie and his music class. What more could we say??

As we walk out, Chris tells me, "Kelley, you do not have to talk to every single person you recognize every single place you go. It was his music teacher that you hardly knew! Let that one go!"

"But, I think he saw me see him!"

"It doesn't matter! I guarantee you that he wishes you would have acted like you didn't see him."

"That's not true! He was nice!"

"And you DEFINITELY don't need to introduce me! I've met that guy already before, anyway! Why did you introduce me?"

"BECAUSE, you were RIGHT THERE. What was I supposed to do?"

"You were supposed to just not talk to him. You don't have to talk to EVERYBODY. I bet you know that lady coming in the door right there and are about to go talk to her. Aren't you? Aren't you?"

"I don't know her. You know I don't know her. Why would I know her?"

"I'm just saying that you don't have to talk to EVERYONE. We can't go ANYWHERE without you seeing someone you know from school, work, your childhood, the neighborhood, this, that. We never can get out of a place because you are talking to everyone."

It was his turn to get the "look".

I guess he does have a point, but...what if they saw me see them?????

Which one are you in this situation? My husband or me?

For the next couple of weeks, I am going to be sharing funny blog posts from the women featured in the book I Just Want To Pee Alone. I am one of the 37 bloggers who has retold a funny story about motherhood. The book is selling fast and topping the charts in many categories over at Amazon! Read what I have to say about the book, enter a giveaway for one of THREE paperback copies (or Kindle/Nook- your choice!) and find ways to order it here.
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