It's like "Bridesmaids", but in a book. A few years later. (And I'm giving three of them away.)
You guys, when I was little, I wrote stories all the time. From the moment I could write, I wrote stories. When I was about 9, I wrote this long (really boring) story that contained nothing but people talking to each other. I was so, so proud of this book and was CERTAIN it would appear on the shelves of Waldenbooks someday. My grandmother typed it out for me and my dad illustrated it. I was so, so very proud of it. It makes me sad that I don't know where it is anymore.
(How could I have been so careless with Pulitzer material?)
As I got older, I wanted to write real books. This blog is a subsitution for the book that I want to write one day, but can't seem to find the time to get done. I think I became a bit disillusioned about book writing after observing book graveyards at the dollar store and Garden Ridge. People stressed, sweated and stayed up really late over these books and now they're practically being given away. "Take me. For the love of ink and paper, TAKE ME!" they cry as we glide past them on our way to the cheap gift bags.
Antique book stores is another place that got me all deep thinking about books. Rows and rows and rows and rows of books whose authors kicked the bucket decades and decades ago. Biographies of people that no one even knows existed. I've bought a few. I've thought, "Little buddy, no one knows who you are and really could give a rat's ear about anything that happened in your life, so I'll buy you. I'll buy you, little buddy, and figure out all your ins and outs."
(I never did finish reading that book.)
Don't even get me started about used book stores.
So, I sort of shelved the book writing dream. I mean, I don't know if I'll ever truly cross it out, but writing a book? Ain't nobody got time fo dat! At least, Sweet Brown and I don't. (Maybe Sweet Brown does. I can't speak for Sweet Brown.) I should say, I don't have time right now to write an entire book.
But, being a part of a book? Oh, I found time for that.
If we have similar blogging circles, or if you follow me on Facebook, then you have already heard about this little book already. It is called "I Just Want To Pee Alone" and it is anthology containing stories about motherhood from 37 different bloggers. Some of those bloggers are BIG TIME. I'm talking 40k, 50k, 60k, 70k and 80k+ followers on Facebook. Goodness gracious alive.
Annnnnd, here are the funny ladies:
The book contains humorous stories. Some are laugh-out-loud stories. Here is an official snippet: "Motherhood is the toughest – and funniest – job you'll ever love. Raising kids is hard work. The pay sucks, your boss is a tyrant, and the working conditions are pitiful – you can't even take a bathroom break without being interrupted with another outrageous demand." I actually don't mind if my little dudes are in and out while I'm, you know, busy in there. It's when one of them sticks a Candy Land board game or asks me to play Trouble while I'm reaching for some squares that I have to ask them to hold their horses already.
Here's the deal with this book: it's not exactly G. Or PG. Or, actually, in many places, not even PG-13. That is something that you should know before reading/buying it. Parts of the book will be offensive to some. That's why I say it's like the movie "Bridesmaids", but in a book. Remember how many different personalities came together for Lillian's wedding? All made you laugh at some point, but for different reasons. That blonde mom may have made you blush, or at least made your mom blush. I can safely say that there are no Helens in this book mix, at least I don't think so. (I really wish there were some Brynns, Rebel Wilson's character.) There are many different styles of bloggers, lots of different types of humor and many different words chosen to describe funny situations. How you approach the book is up to you. I know everyone will find something funny along the way. (My chapter is definitely in the PG range, Mom! Maybe even G!) I finished the book in two days. It was a fast read!
And, guess what else? Right now it is #1 on Amazon's Hot New Releases for humor, parenting and families humor AND humor essays. That's craziness.
Like all books, it can be ordered in a quadrigazmillion ways. (Almost all books, I should say. Some of those old fart biographies from 1892 I mentioned up there ain't available on Amazon.) I have the links below for you to order one for yourself or someone else, but know that I would LOVE to give THREE copies away to THREE different commenters on this post. All I ask is that you leave a comment, like me on Facebook and/or follow me via Google Friend Connect.
Here are the ways you can order it, if you want it on your...
Nightstand in a paperback version, go to Amazon here.
Kindle, go here.
Nook, go to Smashwords here. (Barnes & Trouble are taking too long.)
Computerized device of some sort, go to Apple/iTunes here.
Kobo or Sony Reader, go here.
If you wanted me to sign your book and put a personalized message in it, I could totally do that (just let me know), but I doubt you'd want that. I mean, I buy all of my clothes at Target, dye my own hair with henna that I can only get at Whole Foods because I am allergic to EVERYTHING else and this morning I burnt oatmeal.
Again, if you would like to win one of THREE copies, leave a comment about whatever (you can tell me about your first grade teacher's hairstyle, if you'd like) and either like me on Facebook and/or follow me via Google Friend Connect. I will pick the winner next Monday using Random.org!
Thanks, awesome people!