Finding the Funny #5: Should I go with the Don King or the Paula Deen?

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The Newt and I have much more in
common than I thought...
 In my post about why I'd be an awful contestant on The Bachelor, I mentioned that I had a hair dye allergy.  I have tried just about every dye in the store, even the"natural", no peroxide, ammonia-free type.  All of them make me break-out.  The way my neck looks after dying my hair, you would think I was running through the forest and tripped neck-first into a patch of poison ivy.  So, thinking maybe my hairdresser had a solution, I went to her a couple of months ago.  Trying to be cautious, she performed a "patch test" on the back of my neck by swiping some of the dye she'd actually ue.  She instructed me to wash it off 30 minutes later with a wet paper towel.  I did that and less than a day later, it looked like I was skipping through the edge of the woods and fell neck-first, again, into a patch of poison ivy.  Think red/itchy/welps/burns/wounds that don't fully go away until four weeks later.  Have you ever seen someone with mental illness start itching the back of their neck like crazy out of the clear blue?  That was me.

Flash forward to yesterday.  My last hope was Aveda and maybe henna, though I have heard mixed things about using henna dyes.  So, really, my last hope of a professional person to dye my hair was Aveda.  Every salon I've talked with said they don't use henna dyes.  But, Aveda?  Aveda was supposed to have the answers anyway. Supposedly, they use more natural products and have "tricks" where they combine lavender and whatever else into their products to help people with sensitive skin. With my 3-year-old by my side, I went into the store yesterday and asked if they could just swipe a dab of the color on the inside of my elbow to see if I would have a reaction.  They insisted that they must paint the back of one side of my neck for a reliable patch test.  I gave them the squinty eyes and succumbed like a lamb being led to slaughter.  It was easy to succumb, because, well, they fixed me really nice tea, gave my son a fancy glass of water, put a magazine in my hand and asked me to sit in one spot until 30 minutes had passed.  To top the royal treatment off, they insisted on washing my hair twice and then conditioning it with their rosemary-minty shampoo followed by both of them brushing and blow-drying my hair.  ALL FOR FREE.  It was heavenly.  My hair had never looked so shiny and straight.

But then, less than 24 hours later...

It looked like I had fallen in poison ivy.  Neck-first. Again.  Later today, I suspect I will swing by to show them what happened so that, in the future, they don't insist on doing their artwork on someone's neck who has claimed awful hair-dye reactions in the past.    My Twitter friend @pamtastic of My Pamtastic Life, realizing that this is the most awful thing ever to happen to a human being suggested I start a petition for government funds for Anti-Hair Dye Allergy research.  What an awesome idea!  We could even have a telethon or something to raise money.  WE NEED TO FIND A CURE!  I'm inconsolable over here right now!



Not really.  I'm fine.

What I'm not fine about?  Becoming grayer and grayer and grayer on my head so that my hair color ultimately resembles Newt Gingrich's in a few short months.  Maybe years.  But, still. NEWT. STINKIN'.GINGRICH.

That is why I need your help.  If I'm going to become gray, I at least need to find the right gray hair role model.  I need to find the gray hair look that suits me best.  I've already started to read The Going Gray Blog: Celebrating the Right to Choose.  Apparently, there are people out there who embrace the gray and celebrate it!  Celebrate even!  Would that be you?  If you have gray, do you "celebrate" it or cover it up as soon as you see it?  Since I may have no other option, I need to find a gray hair-do that will be best for me.  I need your help.

Which one should I rock?


THE PAULA DEEN
(Thanks for ignoring the awful two-toned skin disease I acquired during that photo shoot.)


THE DON KING




THE GRANDMAMA ADDAMS




THE MAMA'S FAMILY

Maybe The Early Sinead O'Connor would be better?








__________________________________________________


Finding the Funny

It's "Finding the Funny" time again! Link up any funny posts you have written recently or in the past for our fifth round of Finding the Funny. Week after week, Anna and I are laughing out loud at what you all write and I know this week won't be any different!  Make sure you put the title of your blog post where it asks for "Name" in the linky tool thing.  Also, if you talk about it on Twitter, please include the hash tag #findingthefunny. Thank you!

Top 5 Links from last week:

#1 - Allow Me to Translate Let Me Start By Saying

#2 - 10 Things I Dislike about Facebook Sharing Slices of My Life

#3 - Hints (not from) Heloise Abby Has Issues

#4 - How My Husband Almost Let Me Die of Vertigo Little Paper Things

#5 - I Owe My Mother an Apology Motherhood on the Rocks



21 people eligible for free Pepto Bismol:

Shelly said...

Definitely not the Don King look. You could try what one of my students did. To get a blue streak down the middle of his blond hair, he used a blue Sharpie marker. Only it turned his hair green.

Susan in the Boonies said...

Emmylou Harris rocks her gray nicely. I think you could totally do that.

And I'm with you: it just stinks that you can't find a product that you can use.

Hugs!

Meg McCormick said...

Wow, so YOU'RE the one they're talking about on the box when they insist you do the allergy test every single time? Bummer; I guess you'll have to rock the gray! Think... Heloise, maybe?

Julie said...

For YEARS I've been trying to get everyone on board with the Sinead O'Connor.

Seriously.

How easy and awesome would that be?
But we'd need total buy-in or it won't work.

With my lucky, everyone would *say* let's shave TONIGHT but I'd be the one who showed up hairless the next day while everyone else still had great looking hair.

Like Paula Deen, for example.

Anna said...

i don't have an allergic reaction to hair dye but i have "dye-resistant" grays, which is apparently a common problem according to my colorist.

so count me in as another (reluctant) person who will be rockin' the gray.

Paige Kellerman said...

The Mama's Family would definitely be discreet...LMAO

My heart is so sad for your predicament. I don't know what I'd do if someone couldn't dye my nasty roots. That said, I've always thought I'd embrace the grey, when it comes, and maybe go with the "Maggie Smith" from Downton Abbey...very distinguished...

Pamtastic said...

I totally think you could ROCK a long layered Paula Dee!

And I'm ready to help coordinate the telethon...sign me up to manage the phone bank-I'll help bring in the BANK!

Natalie said...

Awww I am so disappointed that Aveda didn't have an answer for you. I am thinking you need to call some hippies up to see what they can up for you!

Insomniac #4 said...

I vote for the Paula Deen look out of the ones you posted. But there are plenty of people who can rock grey hair so if you absolutely don't have a choice at least you'll have some options.

Going grey sucks, but I'd happily take that over going bald!

Kristina P. said...

I think we need REAL pictures of your weepiness.

Paige Kellerman said...

So, I'm the only person who didn't figure out how to put the name of my post in the lineup...genius..pure genius... *Head desk*

Jen said...

This is the saddest thing ever! You can't use hair dye.

In other news, you look hot as Paula.

Jen said...

This is the saddest thing ever! You can't use hair dye.

In other news, you look hot as Paula.

Alison@Mama Wants This said...

Paula Deen. Because she loves butter. Enough said.

My Inner Chick said...

--The Paula Deen is ((( HOT )))

xx

My Inner Chick said...

oooops, sorry, please take of "The Greatest Sin of All." It is NOT FUNNY. Sorry, KellEY

Kimberly said...

one word...buttah.

lori said...

I would crawl under a rock if I were allergic to hair dye and had to be gray. I've been gray since the age of 18 and completely gray since...I don't know - 30's maybe? At 46, I'm still way too young to be rocking the whole head of gray hair thing. I feel for ya sister. I would definitely go with the Paula Dean if I had to, though.

Paul Tobin said...

Loved the wigs, perhaps I need to dye the gey out of my hair?

Kai said...

In 2004 I had hair to my waist. Seriously. I wore it braided, ponytailed, ANY way to keep the thick, thick curly stuff off my neck. I had colored my hair since I was 14. I was 54 in 2004. I REFUSED to have roots so I KEPT coloring it. The gray in my hair did not TAKE hair color. I LIKED the gray. I just didn't want roots. Sooooo, I made a decision. I got my butt to a hair salon, told the woman to give me a buzz cut (YES, I AMMMMM serious) so that EVERY BIT OF OLD HAIR COLOR was gone. She did. I looked like a beach ball with fuzz. Or a round Marine. It was UGLY but I'd had chemo in the past & wasn't SO traumatized because THIS was a choice. I have not colored my hair since and it is brown with more & more gray as the years have passed. I LIKE it. Easy. Freeing. WAY less expensive to keep up. Is it PRETTY? My hair has NEVER been pretty, so NOPE! But it's MINE. And the gray doesn't bug me a BIT! You're a beauty - a NUT (LOL!) but a beauty - so you will look gorgeous with gray hair - worn in YOUR style.

The Empress said...

Get, Out.

You are kidding.

This scares me.

I have to dye my hair soon.

I know I do.

But I've only gotten highlights so far.

Did it pass?

Did you use Benadryl?

What are you going to do???

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