The Sandusky case and memories of the past have prompted me to skip the silly for today and focus on child predators of perhaps a different kind.
After that movie came out, I thought about it all the time. I STILL think about it a lot. In 1983, I was 8 years old. Adam and I were about the same age. Sometimes I wonder if I should show the movie to my 7-year-old. I know that it would probably really scare him, but maybe that is what he needs. Maybe he needs to be scared. I think that movie helped me a couple of times in my life. After it came out, I remember hearing more about what to do in situations where you are fearful someone might be trying to "get you".
The first time I was probably around 9 or so. My cousin lived around the corner from us and I regularly walked to her house to play. A car started driving slowly beside me. If my memory is correct, an Asian woman leaned over and opened the passenger side door and asked me to get inside. I told her no, but she kept asking. After a couple of minutes, I just changed my direction and started running toward home. Because she is a woman, maybe it doesn't sound so threatening. I always remember, though, that there was a woman in the Jaycee Duggar case. I am not sure if she was in the car when her husband kidnapped Jaycee by hitting her with stun gun or not. My point is that women should be just as feared as men.
The second time, I was about 11 or 12 and was sitting in my dad's Dodge Ram Charger outside of Academy. To this day, I'm not a big fan of shopping. When I was younger, I definitely wasn't. I would always ask my parents if I could stay in the car and work on my homework or read or something. My dad said it was okay with him and he quickly went inside. The windows were rolled down in the vehicle. After a little while, I noticed a white "kidnapper" van facing me and parked a few spaces over. There was a man behind the steering wheel looking at me funny and he was talking to two other men who were outside of the car. One of the men started slowly backing toward the driver's side of my dad's car. I remember one of them saying, "I always either get too close or too far away." Something inside me told me to get out of the car and run into the store. I dropped my math book on the floorboard, got out and ran inside.
But one of the men followed me.
As soon as I entered the sporting goods store, my eyes quickly scanned it for my dad, but I couldn't find him. With tears streaming down my face and saying over and over, "Dad, where are you? Dad, where are you?", I ran to the back of the store to the shoe section and crouched behind a rack of shoes. I could see the man moving fast and looking around the store for me. It seems like I was crouching there forever trying to will the man away from where I hid with my eyes and panicking for my dad. Finally, I spotted my dad coming out of the dressing room. I bolted for him, wrapped my arms around him and let it all out. Of course, the man was nowhere to be found by then.
This scene plays out in my mind still when I pass an Academy store. I think about it when I tell my husband, "I'll stay out here and play on my iPhone while you go in Home Depot." If he was driving, I always move over to the driver's side and turn the car on so I am prepared to drive off if any weirdo gets near me.
Maybe I am a bit too dramatic and paranoid?
Scary people are out there, though. If I thought you had more time, I would tell you about the time I was followed in my car a few months ago. I will save that story for later. For now, tell me...
Has anything like this ever happened to you? Would you let your child watch the movie "Adam"?
If you are interested in reading more about child abduction statistics and strategies to teach your child in an attempt to avoid them, like running in the other direction yelling "no!", not wearing clothing with his orher name on it, etc., you can go to this great site on Kid's Health by clicking here.
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Just reading this made me anxious and I don't think I exhaled until the end. Fortunately, I don't have a similar story to share, but I did grow up with a paranoid sense that something like that could happen. I think it's a normal stage for most kids, even if they don't have a "real" incident like you did. We joke about my grandma always telling us not to park next to white vans with no windows, but she's right. I truly believe it's better to be safe than sorry, and you have to wonder if more people were aware of their surroundings, maybe there would be less random crime.
Anyway, there's also a fine line between aware and paranoid, and it's hard to know what to tell kids (and even adults) when it comes to that. I think you have to go with your gut and not worry about sounding paranoid. Good lord, I would rather be annoying than missing (although those around me might wish that the other way around.)
I don't have kids--you're welcome for that--but I think the movie and a reinforcement of the issues would be important. They know, but they need reminders. Don't we all?
OMG those are scary experiences!
I don't recall being nearly kidnapped, but there was one time I was in the toy section of a mall with my younger sister. We must have been around 6 and 8 at the time. There was a weird-looking young man hanging around, and he suddenly started approaching us, grinning strangely.
We bolted, and I distinctly remember saying to my sister, we must split up, I'm going this way, you go that way, and we ran as fast as our little legs could carry us. We ran to search for our mom, and thankfully found her.
To this day, I have no idea if he meant us harm, but even at that age, I could sense something was not right.
I think kids should definitely be told about the dangers, and if watching Adam works, then yes, they should.
My heart is racing after reading this. I am so glad you got away. In this day and age you can never be too safe. I think kids have to be super aware because there are so many sick people out there.
Scary stuff. Glad to hear that nothing worse happened to you. Though it does seem like you could use a little something in the the way of self-defense to help take the edge off. May I suggest bear mace? Or maybe even a katana?
Holy Crud! That's scary. I can't believe that nearly happened to you -- TWICE!
I remember the Adam situation far too clearly. I was about his age and lived in S. Florida where it happened. It was local. It was on the news each night. I never watched the movie, but probably because it was all over the tv anyway.
I don't know if I would let my Kiddo watch it now. I am hesitant to scare him too much yet I want him to realize the dangers lurking out there. It is a fine line to walk.
Waiting to hear about your being followed recently. I often think I am and have tried to "lose" cars while driving randomly through my neighborhood. I wonder if it is real or imagined.
You certainly were a brave little kid though.
Kelley, I think you have to go with your instincts on this. Up till now, they've served you very well!
Your stories are a parent's worst nightmare. The only way to fully protect our children, apart from chaining them to our sides 24 hours a day, is to ensure they are fully informed of the possible dangers out there. Without being graphic, one needs to be specific in order for the penny to drop. You have to offer reasons as to why they must not accept lifts from strangers etc. They need to understand the real threat to their safety, so that their instinct is to run away.
You have to ensure they know your non-negotiable rules to keep themselves safe when you are not able to be with them. I don't believe a parent can be too protective in this day and age.
Oh Kelley! What amazing stories of grace and protection in your life. I remember watching the child molester movie in elementary school and it always scared me to death. Even as an adult, I can still see scenes of that movie in my head and it makes me shiver. You know what your kids can handle so its up to you. I think showing the movie might be too much but sharing your stories with them might be more beneficial. Hearing the fear in your voice might be all they need. Thanks for sharing your heart with us. It's good to be serious sometimes.
Chills went through me reading your stories.
This is why (starting with us boomer-parents in the 80s) everyone parents ala helicopter.
When my cousin was about 6 she was in her front yard playing. My aunt looked out the kitchen window to see her running away from a car, with a man in the drivers seat, passanger door open, calling out for her to get in.
When I was about 10, I was in a movie theater, by myself. My parents were in a rated R movie at the same movie house. A very large, man came and sat down right beside me and offered to share his popcorn. I got up immediately and ran into the other theater. My parents told them manager, but I couldn't describe the man.
It's a sick, scary world out there for kids. It's sad but true and it's our jobs to tell them that bad guys don't look like they do in their cartoons.
These are scary times we live in, no doubt! You are so incredibly lucky and smart! I don't have any children but I would definitely recommend to my siblings to let my nieces and nephews watch the movie. They need to be aware.
I have never had a similar experience, thank goodness! Glad you managed to avoid anything further happening to you!
That is absolutely horrifying. Adam Walsh and I are the same age too and I grew up about an hour north of where it happened. It really hit home.
i just posted a link to this on my blog. really good reminder. sadly. thanks.
Reading this makes me uneasy. I never had any close calls like that growing up, but my new job is in the city, and walking out at night I've had men follow me several times. It doesn't help that I work for a university and get email updates from the local police about robberies, rapes, and shootings on a daily basis. Shudder.
Oh my gawwwwd. That's terrifying! I got shivers.
I'm lucky to say that nothing like that ever happened to me - and we were so "willy nilly" about safety back then. We went everywhere by ourselves as young children and never thought twice about it. So sad.
That is very scary stuff Kelley. Glad you followed your instincts. I remembered what happened to Adam when I was a kid too. Also I saw Jaycee Duggards missing poster when my parents visited Vegas when I was 12.
I remember trusting my instincts when I was ten. I was at an oregon campground in corvallis and had to use the restroom in the middle of the night. As I was walking back to the campsite from the restroom I had this feeling that someone was going to get me. I just ran as fast as I could until I was back at the campground. Maybe I was just paranoid but it's what my body told me to do.
A baby girl went missing from her crib about 5 miles from my house this fall. As if I wasn't already the most hyper-vigilant person on the earth, now I'm completely fanatical about locking doors, having something weapon-like within reach at all times, and knowing the whereabouts of my kid 24-7.
It doesn't help that we were robbed while I was pregnant.
Anyway, I get what you are saying. The truth is, we're not safe. Safety is an illusion.
Now, I'm going to go think happy thoughts and eat some chocolate, cause this has bummed me out. In a total public service announcement kind of way, of course.
As a parent, the thought of my children being abducted is one of my worst fears.
I remember there was the case of Michael Dunahee going missing from a Victoria playground, when I was a child, he was never found - they suspected he was abducted and sold.
I have never seen the movie, Adam, but I think that I might preview it and see if it would be a good idea to have my children watch it.
Your experiences are really scary, I'm glad that you followed your instincts!
I had a close-call too, it was actually just a couple of years ago, I was walking our dog, in our neighbourhood and a truck pulled up and stopped beside me, a man was laughing sinisterly and fumbling to open his door - I ran home as fast as I could and called the police, but he sped off as soon as I ran, because another car was coming - thank goodness.
That is some scary sh#%.
Wow, wow, wow. You were smart about these issues from an early age Kkell, that's good to hear. It's scary to think about how many times these kinds of things must happen daily in the U.S. I've had a couple of minor things happen to me as a kid, but not as serious as yours. I think showing the movie to kids is a good idea. Sadly, it's a necessary thing in today's society and you'll regret it forever if you don't and something happens that could've been prevented. Please get back to the funny soon!
So scary. I hate that I have to worry about sick, disgusting people in this world. I read the book Jaycee wrote and I literally cried through the first half. I happy you were not a victim.
I don't know if I would let my kids watch it. I'll have to think about it.
I have felt threatened in my life, and once when I was a child, by another older child. I didn't show that movie to my kids, but I did talk to them a time or two about what they should do if they ever felt uncomfortable.
I hate that we even have to discuss this, but, we do.
You were brave, strong, and smart. And I'm glad you're still here, unscathed.
You were very lucky and smart! Your choices probably saved your life.
I don't know that I'd let young children watch 'Adam' but I'm sure there are several other tools you can use to teach your child(ren).
(Child find? Etc.)
Maybe check into some of those.
I'm really sorry that you had these experiences. I remember the Adam Walsh story very clearly and think of it often over the years. A young teen girl was abducted very near our community the year after we moved here. She has never been found and I still will not allow my teens to walk anywhere outside of our neighborhood alone. Too many freaky people in this world and that is so incredibly sad.
We Mothers have to protect our kids to the ends of the Earth, even if it means telling them about the cruel realities of the world, even if it's in graphic detail, we have to warn them.
Kelley,
I remember watching the Adam Walsh Story. It scared the hell out of me....
And reading about your experiences, I felt my stomach tightening and my heart beating a bit faster.
Ooooh, My, how frightening.
I just kept thinking, Thank God, you knew the right thing to do...Thank God you are writing this post.
A child can never be too safe...I would definitely allow my children to watch this movie, & others that bring awareness to this issue.
GREAT post. x
so scary. i agree with everyone else who says to trust your instincts. i had an incident with a creepy guy once, and ran into the middle of the street. thankfully a couple let me in their car (talk about the kindness of strangers) when the police found the guy he did have a gun, so of course i still shudder about what could have happened.
Oh, friend. That's awful. I'm so sorry that you had to go through those experiences. I've never been through anything like that and hope I/my family never will.
Would I show my boys that movie? In its entirety? Probably not. I remember that it got pretty gut-wrenching in the middle.
But I do talk to my kids about scenarios like these. That they should scream their heads off if someone does anything that freaks them out. To yell, "You're NOT my dad!" if a stranger grabs them. How to kick a taillight out from within a trunk.
Paranoid? Maybe. Necessary info? Sadly, yes.
How terrifying.
And that's not being paranoid, that's being safe.
I was very nearly a kidnapping statistic. Two men backed their van up to the door of a laundromat where me and my 80 pound mother were. They had a german shepherd and were insistent that I come with them to "get ice cream".
Blonde curly-haired little girls were being sold just over the border, and my mother knew it.
It was utterly terrifying and it was a miracle we got away.
I don't call it paranoia... it's wisdom.
This post makes me grateful that my children (who are now 12 and 14 and able to make reasonable safety choices for the most part) have always been fine staying by my side.
I know I would have struggled if they'd had a constant desire to be independent, left alone, on their own.
I am not a particularly paranoid person which makes me doubly lucky.
And now also scared. Which is a good thing, really.
Nothing is more important than the safety of our children.
Oh Kelley! How terrifying! I'm so glad you listened to your instincts! I don't know if I would allow my kiddos to watch Adam - I was the same age when that happened and just the stories scared me - but I do talk about "scenarios" with them and ask them what they would do in certain situations. I also will nonchalantly chat with someone in the grocery line and then afterwards ask my little ones if that person was a friend or a stranger. They almost always say friend, so I correct them and tell them why that person was a stranger. I think it is so important that you mentioned women in this - people that hurt children are not stupid. They are extremely clever and will use whatever means necessary to achieve their goals. Dogs, candy, demands, fear, whatever. I'm sorry that you have known this kind of fear in your life, but I think it has made you a better Mom!!! xoxoxox
Oh man Kelley, that is scary. I've had a few things come up like that. I remember in California walking home from school a man starting following me, I ran, thought I lost him but when I turned a corner he was there, exposing himself. Yeah, nice memory, not. Thanks for talking about the tough stuff.
When I was about 10 I was riding my bike in the neighborhood, and a car started driving behind me very slowly. I pulled over onto the sidewalk, because I thought the person wanted to pass me, but they drove even slower and rolled the window down to talk to me.
I was terrified. I KNEW in my gut something wasn't right, so I rode my bike crazy fast through someone's back yard to get a few streets over to my house.
My kids are 7 and 8 and play outside with their friends often. But I tell them about strangers. About people who want to steal them. I've made them a little afraid, I admit it, but I don't care. Because fear can be a good thing. I've taught them to trust their instincts about people and situations.
It's a scary effing world out there.
I was breathless reading this. Terrifying. I've had an incident, but fortunately I was in my teens and had the wherewithal to get out of there. Had I been 8, who knows?
It's a scary world.
Oh my god, K.
What an awful story.. I am so sorry you had to even have that fear in your little heart.
xo
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