Interviewing In The Break Room!
|"SHOW ME TO THAT THREE-|
WEEK-OLD EGG SANDWICH!"
LG: Throw it out. Hazmat suit. Reinforced industrial-strength Glad bag.
Surly and Vapid Interviewer: Very good. How about an unclaimed peach growing green-and-white fuzz on it after a week?
LG: Secretly transfer it to the top right desk drawer of my most-hated colleague.
Stuffed-Suit Interviewer: Standard procedure at this company, another good answer. Do you know what we manufacture here?
LG: I think it's high resolution beta oscillating carbonic digital interface connector polarity sensors. Am I correct?
Corporate Drone Interviewer: Wrong, rubber bands. But a good guess. We still don't like your face. What attributes of Kelley's do you have?
LG: None, really.
|Pssst...Kelley here. Just wanted to show|
you that I, in fact, DO have large
quantities of Sweet 'n Low in my
possession. These are just the few that
I keep in my right sock.
LG: Nah, Kelley is so sweet that she doesn't need to steal any artificial additives from The Break Room.
Spiritually-Bereft Interviewer: Wow, you're really sucking up to her based on this guest blogging thing. Give us the straight scoop or your chances at this job are history. We don't need you, this job pays minimum plus a dollar.
LG: Hmm, in that case... she has about 73 Sweet-N-Low's in her desk as we speak. Bottom left drawer. She also leaves comments on other blogs even though she hasn't actually read the blog post.
Morally-Bankrupt Interviewer: Tell me something new, we already had that on her. Have you ever run a break room before?
LG: No sir. Looking forward to it. I was captain of an oil tanker, CEO of an investment bank, president of an Ivy League college and governor of two U.S. states, but never ran a break room.
Fraudulent Blood-Sucking Interviewer: Kind of thin on experience son. Did Kelley tell you where she hides the Yodels? I'd kill for a pack of Yodels right about now.
LG: No, not as far as you know sir.
Rude and Distracted Interviewer: Yodels will get you the job. I need a Yodel immediately. But I mean a real Hostess Yodel, not one of those phony bullcrap Ho Ho's. I hate Ho Ho's. If you're a Ho Ho eater you can pound the pavement right now. So do you know or not? The job depends on it.
|These three different types of chocolate snacks are hidden in The Break Room.|
Convicted Embezzler/Interviewer: Congrats, you're hired. Who needs Kelley anyway? Do you carry your work shoes to the office in a Sephora bag and wear sneakers to-and-from your job every day like most women?
LG: No sir, I'm a dude.
LG: Yes sir.
Aloof and Arrogant Interviewer: One more thing. The bad news is that when Kelley gets back you're out of a job, we actually like her around here, even though the microwave is always dirty and our Diet Cokes are constantly missing. But she's a good kid. Who needs a Chief Financial Officer anyway when you have a well-run Break Room?
He's funny, right? Quite the nutcase, right? That's why I asked him to stop by. For more fun wackiness, you can follow his blog, The LG Report, HERE.