Would you want THIS hiding in YOUR bed? (A true story.)
Can I tell you a little story?
One weekend, my husband, kids and I decided to go visit some family. (I am keeping it vague on purpose because, if I don't, that person would get all embarrassed. They'd think I was telling the world that they have a messed up house when, really, it's not the house's fault at all. That house has always been good to me. Remind me to take the house out for dinner soon.) This one family member has a regular house and also another smaller house that was used as a vacation/getaway home. As a result, people were not always in it, you know? It was seen by people only a few times a month.
The house was always very, very clean.
As we get ready to go to sleep that night, I tell my kids good night and tuck them into their beds. I then go back to our bed. My husband was still brushing his teeth or reciting how he would profess his love to me when he saw me in a few minutes (I wasn't in there, so I can't be sure he wasn't doing that) when I pulled back the covers and climbed into the bed.
I fluffed up my pillow.
I put my head on it.
I stretched out my legs.
I felt something.
And it was moving.
Like, all over the place all over my feet.
My husband drops his toothbrush and runs into the room. The owner of the house dropped everything and ran into the room. My kids didn't drop anything because they weren't holding anything or doing anything and they run into the room.
"What's wrong??" My husband asked.
(He always wants something to be VERY wrong if I yell out like that. If I say, "Oh, I saw a spider", he would probably respond, "Kelley! I thought that you fell into hot lava or something!" One of these days, I hope I do fall into hot lava just to get him back.)
"I felt something!!"
"What was it? What did you feel?", the owner of the house asked.
"Well, it was cold and clammy and it MOVED and...there it is! There it is! There it is! THERE IT IS!!"
It was writhing around on the sheets that I just kung fu-ed off the bed.
Want to know what was at the bottom of the bed when I was settling in for the night?
This wasn't THE actual dude, but he is surely related to the dude I saw. They could be twins or something. I'm not sure if they have the same personalities or taste in music, but they look exactly the same.
And he was in my bed.
And my feet touched him.
(Or, I should say, HE TOUCHED MY FEET.)
(Well, I guess he was there first, so my feet touched him.)
(Or, perhaps we touched each other at the same time.)
Would you have screamed?