Aberhollister & Cromitch's Manager's Checklist
Maybe the checklist wasn't meant for my eyes. Maybe the manager left it unattended while he went to grab an Auntie Anne's pretzel. I don't know. I just know I saw it and I'm sharing it with you. It's not earth-shattering stuff, but it makes me feel less guilty if you look at it, too.
But first, let me tell you how I happened to even walk inside Aberhollister & Cromitch. This isn't "my" store, you know? I'm surprised a siren didn't go off followed by a speaker blaring out, "STEP AWAY FROM THE TEENAGER STORE. I REPEAT: STEP AWAY FROM THE TEENAGER STORE. MACY'S IS TO YOUR RIGHT. I REPEAT: MACY'S IS TO YOUR RIGHT."
Over Thanksgiving, we had a lot of family in town from Washington and Florida, including four teenagers. I remember when all of them were babies, so seeing them so tall and mature made me feel old. They told me they didn't think of me as old, but I'm pretty sure they just wanted me to buy them something from Starbucks.
On Saturday, I took two of the four to The Galleria Mall in Houston. This is The Big Time Mall. I never go here to buy clothes because it's not Target. Every single brand name you can think of in your head, there's a store for it in that mall.
Tory Burch.
Prada.
Tiffany & Co.
Michael Kors.
7 For All Mankind.
Burberry.
All of that mess.
We didn't go into those stores, but we still liked walking past them. It made me feel all Audrey Hepburnish. (We operate more on a Forever 21 budget.) We did go inside Neimann Marcus where I scored a free squirt of some Kiehl's hand lotion. They have vultures dressed in suits that work there to make sure you don't stuff a $300 diamond lollipop necklace they have dangling around. It made it very hard for me to shoplift. (Looks like I will have to think of another way to score Christmas presents from there this year.)
(Sidenote: My teenage cousins informed me that Anthropologie is the "adult" version of Urban Outfitters when all along I thought Anthropologie was a teenager store. Related: Am I really an adult?)
After we hit the sales table at Victoria's Secret where I was offered a shopping bag FIVE TIMES ("FINE!!!!!!!!!!!! I'LL TAKE A STANKIN' SHOPPING BAG FOR MY FIVE PANTIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"), we went inside one of the sexy teen stores. You know the sexy teen stores I'm talking about, right? The ones I haven't been inside of since 1993? Before these girls were even born? Well, as soon as we went into it, I saw this clipboard wedged into a stack of "Super, super, super, super, super, you-really-should-eat jeans". I couldn't help but look at it.
On the back was one more checklist item that read: "Do you have 4,213 shirts stacked at the front of the store with ABERHOLLISTER & CROMITCH written across the front?"
Yep. They're on it over at Aberhollister & Cromitch. They have your teen's number. Well, your teen and that 2nd grade teacher at my son's school who is about 53-years-old. He sports the Aberhollister & Cromitch shirts in the carpool line.
Thankfully, my sons weren't with me at The Big Time Mall. They don't know about Aberhollister & Cromitch yet. They are 4 and 8 and think clothes are only sold at Target.
Let's see if I can keep it that way...
But first, let me tell you how I happened to even walk inside Aberhollister & Cromitch. This isn't "my" store, you know? I'm surprised a siren didn't go off followed by a speaker blaring out, "STEP AWAY FROM THE TEENAGER STORE. I REPEAT: STEP AWAY FROM THE TEENAGER STORE. MACY'S IS TO YOUR RIGHT. I REPEAT: MACY'S IS TO YOUR RIGHT."
Over Thanksgiving, we had a lot of family in town from Washington and Florida, including four teenagers. I remember when all of them were babies, so seeing them so tall and mature made me feel old. They told me they didn't think of me as old, but I'm pretty sure they just wanted me to buy them something from Starbucks.
On Saturday, I took two of the four to The Galleria Mall in Houston. This is The Big Time Mall. I never go here to buy clothes because it's not Target. Every single brand name you can think of in your head, there's a store for it in that mall.
 |
| The Big Time Mall. source |
Tory Burch.
Prada.
Tiffany & Co.
Michael Kors.
7 For All Mankind.
Burberry.
All of that mess.
We didn't go into those stores, but we still liked walking past them. It made me feel all Audrey Hepburnish. (We operate more on a Forever 21 budget.) We did go inside Neimann Marcus where I scored a free squirt of some Kiehl's hand lotion. They have vultures dressed in suits that work there to make sure you don't stuff a $300 diamond lollipop necklace they have dangling around. It made it very hard for me to shoplift. (Looks like I will have to think of another way to score Christmas presents from there this year.)
(Sidenote: My teenage cousins informed me that Anthropologie is the "adult" version of Urban Outfitters when all along I thought Anthropologie was a teenager store. Related: Am I really an adult?)
After we hit the sales table at Victoria's Secret where I was offered a shopping bag FIVE TIMES ("FINE!!!!!!!!!!!! I'LL TAKE A STANKIN' SHOPPING BAG FOR MY FIVE PANTIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"), we went inside one of the sexy teen stores. You know the sexy teen stores I'm talking about, right? The ones I haven't been inside of since 1993? Before these girls were even born? Well, as soon as we went into it, I saw this clipboard wedged into a stack of "Super, super, super, super, super, you-really-should-eat jeans". I couldn't help but look at it.
On the back was one more checklist item that read: "Do you have 4,213 shirts stacked at the front of the store with ABERHOLLISTER & CROMITCH written across the front?"
Yep. They're on it over at Aberhollister & Cromitch. They have your teen's number. Well, your teen and that 2nd grade teacher at my son's school who is about 53-years-old. He sports the Aberhollister & Cromitch shirts in the carpool line.
Thankfully, my sons weren't with me at The Big Time Mall. They don't know about Aberhollister & Cromitch yet. They are 4 and 8 and think clothes are only sold at Target.
Let's see if I can keep it that way...
Do your kids shop at Aberhollister & Cromitch yet? Does the 53-year-oldish 2nd grade teacher in the carpool line at your kids' school shop there, too? Do you?
Speaking of teenagerish things, I am giving away a year subscription to Us ($70 value). You have great odds. Only 50 entries so far! Want it? Go here.